I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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