I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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