i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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