I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
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I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
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I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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