Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If I had your ass I would rule the world
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
