the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
