Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just cropdusted the office
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
