i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Randomize
