my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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