Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
