did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
