You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
so much tequila, so little girl.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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