It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
