So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
