She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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