I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
