If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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