Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
