our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
