Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
