When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
