you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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