So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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