im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
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And the cops told us we were all naked.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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