It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
