She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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