he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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