Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
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I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
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Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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