May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
