If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
