good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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