Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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