your parents love me but you hate me
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
