I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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