So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize