I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
