i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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