I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
