So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
