But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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