Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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