the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
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I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
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Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
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