tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
