i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
