We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
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I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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