I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
