I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
