just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
