halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I think a kid would responsible me up
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
ok first of all what the fuck
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
