I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
