She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
