btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
