too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
