I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
