Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
