Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
