Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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