I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
