After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
