Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
...so i touched it.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
