Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Randomize
