my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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