Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
