She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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