that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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