it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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