My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
