Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
