I wish I could teleport
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
