how can u be prego again
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
