dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
